Green Flag / Red Flag · by Maya Williams · 2026-10-29
3 weeks in and he's already booked us flights to Lisbon
I (29F) met him on Hinge three weeks ago. It's been intense in a way that felt amazing at first. Good morning texts every day, flowers at my work, he told my best friend he's "never felt like this". On Sunday he surprised me with flights to Lisbon for December, already paid, and said he's told his mum I'm the one.
I should be thrilled. Instead I felt a bit sick and I don't know why. When I said maybe we slow down a bit he went quiet for a whole day and then sent a long message about how he's "always too much for people." Now I feel guilty.
Am I overthinking a guy who's just very romantic? Genuinely asking, be honest with me
24 sparks · 11 comments
Comments
Hamza Malik · 6 likes
I'm sorry you're feeling guilty, you didn't do anything wrong by asking to slow down. The part that stands out to me isn't the flowers, it's the silent day after you set a small boundary
Pieter Botha · 11 likes
this. the gifts are not the flag. how he reacts to "can we slow down" is the whole test
Laura Gómez · 2 likes
feeling a bit sick when you should be happy is your gut doing its job. trust it
Omar Hassan · 2 likes
Devils advocate gently: some people are just intense and insecure. the fix is the same either way though, you say "I need slower" and see if he can actually do it without punishing you for it
Aria Thompson · 10 likes
yes and "I'm always too much for people" puts the job of comforting him on you, right after you asked for something. notice that
Sara Hosseini · 1 likes
I went through almost exactly this in 2021, Paris instead of Lisbon. The trip happened and that was when things started to get controlling. Not saying that's your story but please keep your friends close and keep your own plans
Hamza Malik · 7 likes
thank you for sharing this. I'm keeping my December plans with my sister no matter what
Pixel Mango · 9 likes
good. proud of you for asking here instead of brushing it off
Midnight Fern · 0 likes
What you're describing is pretty close to the textbook pattern of love bombing: a lot of intense affection and future plans very early, then withdrawal or guilt when you don't match the pace. Doesn't mean he's a bad person, but it's worth watching closely
Achieng Njeri · 10 likes
the term goes back to the 70s, it was used to describe how some cults recruited people. overwhelming warmth first, then the strings show up
Achieng Njeri · 0 likes
🔴 kindly. not because romance is bad but because pace matters