Green Flag / Red Flag · by Sara Al Nuaimi · 2026-10-30
She told me her 5 year plan on our first date. The kids already have names.
30M, first date with a 31F from Hinge (she was a "Most Compatible" match, for what it's worth). We're at a wine bar in Brooklyn and about 40 minutes in she says "I'm going to be upfront because I don't want to waste anyone's time."
Then: married by 33, first kid by 34, out of the city by 35, ideally somewhere with a yard in the Hudson Valley. Two kids, Theo and Juniper. She asked if I want kids. I said yes, someday. She said "someday when" and I said "uh."
The weird thing is I kind of respected it?? But my friends are acting like I escaped a hostage situation. Green flag (clarity) or red flag (intensity)?
36 sparks · 19 comments
Comments
Mina Chowdhury · 8 likes
OP here, yes. Saturday. I'm going to have an actual answer to "someday when" this time
Maya Williams · 5 likes
"someday when" is the most powerful two word sentence in dating
Lucas Silva · 5 likes
this is a yellow flag in an actual gold frame. respect it but be honest about your someday
Daniel Kiptoo · 3 likes
I did this on a first date at 32 and the guy married me. he says he said yes to a second date out of curiosity and stayed out of fear 😂
Jiho Lee · 0 likes
"stayed out of fear" I'm crying
Elsa Andersson · 2 likes
you said you respected it. listen to that. your friends weren't on the date
Omar Hassan · 2 likes
Red for me, not because of the plan but because it felt like a job interview. dates should be a bit fun
Brave River · 2 likes
some people would rather do the job interview early than find out after 2 years they're incompatible
Maya Williams · 8 likes
yeah after 30 the job interview IS the fun part
Aoi Ito · 1 likes
Green. She's 31 and wants kids, that's a real timeline. Being upfront saves both of you months
Maya Williams · 0 likes
agree but 40 minutes in is fast. could've waited til date 2 or 3
Huy Le · 8 likes
why though? if he'd said "I never want kids" on date 3 that's 3 dates wasted for her
Aria Thompson · 1 likes
the kids having names is where it tips over for me. timeline yes. names on date 1 is a lot
Curious Runner · 2 likes
names are just a fun detail. people name their future dog on dates too and nobody calls the cops
Lucía García · 0 likes
theo and juniper are very brooklyn names though, I'll give her that
Mango River · 0 likes
theo and juniper are going to have a sourdough starter named before they can walk
Urban Atlas · 1 likes
Hinge's Most Compatible actually picked well then, you both want kids. the algorithm is just more blunt than she is