Green Flag / Red Flag · by Léa Bernard · 2026-10-30
4 months of "hänga" and he still won't call it dating
Moved to Stockholm from Lyon two years ago. Since July I've been seeing a Swedish guy, Johan. We do fika twice a week, he sleeps over most weekends, I've met his sister, and in August he took me to his family's summer house in Dalarna. But when I asked him what we are, he said we're just "hänga-ing" and he doesn't like to put a label on it "so early".
So early. It's been four months!!
My Swedish coworker says this is completely normal here, people hang out for months and then one day you're sambo and nobody ever asked anybody anything. My French friends say he's keeping his options open and I'm being naive. As far as I know he's off the apps and he's very sweet. But I want a word for it. Green, red, or just Sweden?
26 sparks · 17 comments
Comments
Achieng Njeri · 7 likes
French person here, we skip the asking too tbh. after like 3 dates you're together and nobody says it out loud. so you're both getting the no-label treatment, just in opposite directions
Cian Kelly · 4 likes
the summer house in Dalarna is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this story
Omar Hassan · 3 likes
label or no label, you asked a direct question and he dodged it. that's the flag, not the culture
Maya Williams · 6 likes
he didn't dodge, he answered honestly in a swedish way. "too early" in sweden can mean 6 months lol
Antonia Silva · 4 likes
you're allowed to want a word though. if he can't give one after 4 months he should at least explain why
Niamh Byrne · 2 likes
Am I the only one who thinks "I don't like labels" is a red flag in every country
Ngozi Bello · 0 likes
he didn't say he doesn't like labels, he said too early. different energy
Quiet Fern · 0 likes
swede here. this is honestly how it works. nobody "asks someone out" here, you just keep hanging out until it's obvious. he took you to the summer house, that's huge
Urban Orbit · 0 likes
the summer house is basically the ring in sweden
Solar Coder · 14 likes
OP here, his mom made me sill and asked if I like the forest. I said yes. was that a test
Chinedu Adeyemi · 0 likes
Norwegian, same thing up here. he's just scandinavian. ask "are you seeing anyone else" instead of "what are we", you'll get a straight answer
Wanjiku Mwangi · 0 likes
OP here. ok I asked. he looked confused and said "no? why would I". so... I think I have a boyfriend??
Priya Nair · 1 likes
that confused face is the most swedish green flag possible
Elsa Andersson · 0 likes
congratulations on your boyfriend who will never call himself that
Siti Lestari · 0 likes
in Mexico 4 months + the family house + met the sister = basically engaged. if he still won't say girlfriend that's red for me